|
[Tuesday
October 10th, 2006
7:58pm] |
|
Shifted to Starinthescene!
Yes, the link is valid now. (=
|
|
|
|
[Wednesday
October 4th, 2006
6:32pm] |
|
Emptiness overwhelm this heart.
Confusion overcomes this lonely one.
I cant see all that I want.
I just wanna be left alone to mull.
I'm selfish, I'm stupid, I'm silly.
I'm not sure if I can love.
I'm not good enough,
there's more to me than what you can see.
These, would kill you.
Can I not let another innocent soul get hurt?
Can I not go through this vicious cycle again?
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
October 3rd, 2006
8:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gloomy |
] |
I guess Mr Tan is right, for once. Besides all his incessant naggings about our name tags, litter and homework, and the lamest ways ever to pick on a student, I guess deep down in his teeny tiny heart, he really does care. I hope to think of it that way, rather than just him doing his job. We need to work double-ly hard. Instead of going up with everyone else, I'm falling behind instead. So I'll need to put in twice the effort.
I ought to stop wasting time on the computer. Haha. Anyway, I met up with the boy today! He's so sweet! At least that little time spent is still some meaningful time spent. (= Thank you baby. He's finishing N levels very soon and that leaves me mugging hard myself. Which I really cant picture, because you all know Angela. She's like damn lazy. I really dont fancy someone pushing me hard from the back, but that's the way it has to be. If not, I wont study at all.
Rah.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
October 2nd, 2006
7:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
Hee, I just woke that boy up from his sleep, accidentally of course. I miss him and all the fun times we had. Now, all that's coming is the exams. He's having N levels now. He seems pretty alright about it. Haha. Right, he wont be as paranoid as I am. The O levels is coming too. It just dawned on me that it's only a month more. That's pretty fast and scary. School, tutorials, night classes. That's how it's gonna be from now on. Like what Sam said, besides studying, all we can do, is just study some more.
The stagnant life really is detestable. How much longer can I take it.
I think my blog is getting boring. No one's commenting nor reading it anyway. So, I shall just drag on this bloody monotonous tune.
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
October 1st, 2006
7:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
It was his sister's boyfriend, Raymond's birthday yesterday. All their friends were there and I guess we feel pretty weird! Lol. But it was fun nonetheless! All the munching on the yummy food. And we took Rusty for a long walk to Simei. Did I tell you I absolutely adore that dog? (= Someone walked past us and muttered, "Do not be afraid of the dark". What the? I didnt hear it, thankfully, or I would probably faint or something. Freaky. Baby and I did some N level Maths questions cos we got so bored. I realise it really is quite easy. Ay, look at the vast difference in O levels.
Went to study with baby today! I did more tutoring than studying. I found a pretty good place to study alone! (= I'll hit there right after SAC lets us go. Yay. It's the starting of his N's tomorrow. Pretty fast huh. I reckon the O levels will come around pretty soon too. Suddenly, life seem to be so fast paced and I'm hardly catching up. Fear will be taking over pretty soon.
DID I TELL YOU THIS COMPUTER IS ANNOYING ME TO THE HIGH HEAVENS? A.R.G.H!
Listen to your heart. Know what it really wants.
|
|
|
|
[Friday
September 29th, 2006
4:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irate |
] |
Dear diary,
1) I am so pissed at him.
2) I am so pissed with myself.
3) I'm so pissed with a bunch of 4/8s.
N levels is in 3 days. He goes out till 4pm when school finishes at 1 plus. Not that I mind him going out, BUT, hello, N level? 3 days? I am so so worried for him. I prayed, hoped, push (to only a SMALL extent) but he cant seem to tell my intentions. What the hell? I need him to do really well. So he can have a easier Sec 4 life. I'm so annoyed, and I dont really know what I'm saying. Argh. I cant keep my cool because... because... forget it. I dont like people pushing me as well, but can't he understand my concerns? I cant even tell you all this. It'll probably spark another fight again.
Just at least pretend for my sake.
I got such disappointing results for my English. Results that I cant believe I'm capable of achieving it. No more buts before a sentence and more link words. What's wrong with me? My level of comprehensing a passage is very very weak. And to think I screwed up the composition by confusing the examiner. I know he tried to comfort me that it's only the prelims. It's apparently not working very well. (Cos I'm still mad at him) And to think the teacher spotted mistakes that I've been making for years! It definitely is stricter, but I really need to do better than this.
It's just a few more weeks before school officially closes. Do you want to drive Mrs Heng away? Cant everyone just shut up for that 1 hour in her presence? It's so annoying to hear murmurings in the classroom while you're doing corrections. I dont see anyone of you doing that to another teacher like Mdm Aznah. Your E.Q. is so high, it cant get any higher than this. Poor Mrs Heng. She's ever so nice to us...
I am going to study now, unlike someone..
I'm so fucking pissed. I shouldnt even care!
|
|
|
|
[Thursday
September 28th, 2006
7:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 reflective |
] |
We both broke down and cried. I cant believe how our lifes have changed. My life in SAC isnt worth much reflecting about. Friendships, what are they? Ever-changing relationships. But one person stood by me. Through my break-ups and joys. That person is my bestie. I love her ever so much. I know she has to go. No point harbouring over it and not letting her go. It'll only make the situation worst, and her, more upset. Let me there to see you off no matter what, okay?
I feel like a terrible sinner not studying. People are probably mugging their butts out. My cramps are hurting so much and it hinders me from studying. I dont know what to do. I'm not giving up on myself, but I'm so scared because everyone has had a better headstart, a better foundation. How am I ever gonna catch up if I dont put in that extra effort? The spirit is willing, but the body is still so weak. I need to pray.
Lord, your child is faltering. I know you are here. Give me the strength to go on.
I wanna always be there for you. I wish everyday could be a lovey-sweet day so I can smile the sorrows away. Dont have to say a word, just let me know you are here, and always ready with a shoulder or a hug. I love you..
I need to start building up me, the spiritual me, the emotional me, and not the intelluctual me yet. It's starting to wear me out, bit by bit..
|
|
|
|
[Wednesday
September 27th, 2006
8:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 reminiscent |
] |
A song dedication for baby. (=
Youth Mission is surprisingly fun! (I hardly call things fun nowadays) The speaker, Joshua, is hilarious really! I mean teachers are teachers, not many can multi task and be comedians as well. So I find today a rather welcome change than the mundane awful routine. I realise that our class is rather unequipped with good english for a debate. More like the typical Singaporean-style. I admit I cant fight a debate for nuts. I really am not good at argument. But rather, those who are supposedly more prone to argue with people present their disapproval in such a ew manner, I'd rather you just shut up and listen. Sorry, but it's very true!
Anyway, the many sharings done there made me miss church camps so much! I really do. Especially the Sec 3 church camp. How I was so judgemental of it and wishing that I dont have to go. But now, I'm so so glad it happened. I miss the talks about God, the singings that get us so high, being with silly guys who tell lame jokes that actually crack me up. (Aye, being in a all girl's school for ten years really deprives you of some things) Being so comfortable and crazy with my fellow Sacian-Holy Trinity girls. I really really miss those times. Sweet, sweet memories.
I cant believe the teachers who want to call us back for lessons till like damn 5 and in the end, absent themselves from it. Like what?! Not that I'm blaming those who were truly sick, but obviously, the school. Meeting our needs? Very funny. You're killing us slowly! I'm so tired that I can fall asleep in the midst of carmen teaching me Amaths. Yeah, killing us in the process of meeting my so called needs. Please, I rather you not meet my needs and just go away.
Thank you for taking those grey clouds away..
Forever and ever boy.
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
September 26th, 2006
9:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
fucking sad |
] |
When I put up a smile for all to see, dont be deceived by it. I dont know why I do that for anyway. I'm just painfully smiling all the sorrows away. When I really wanna break down, I dont know who to turn to. Who would actually understand me and comfort me without telling me to stop crying, and scolding me for doing so. I am obviously saddened by my results. It sucks, big time. Dont try and go, "I scored so lousy for my Amaths". Shut up, I got last.
Tell me again why am I doing this. Yes right. Today's our 9th months! Happy 9th month baby. I wanted so badly to break down in your arms when I saw you today. But I couldnt bear to spoil the day. So now.. I'll just have to sob in the arms of my doggie. It's the only thing that has truly been with me through my tears.
I tried to think that it really is no point crying over spilled milk. But now, I'm not crying for the milk that spilled, I'm crying because I'm sad that I've spilled the milk. My condition aggravated when we came over that topic again. I wasnt trying to avoid it. But it still hurts. The million what ifs. I shall state my conditions then. I'll never ever love a guy who's popular with girls, flirt with girls, girl's best friends (cos in my opinion, my bf cannot be another girl's bestfriend unless that girl is my best friend). Call me selfish, but I hate anyone tampering with my status. I had to be aggravated so now I'm back to square one.
I think you should know this. I wish you would know the million things I dont like guys to do. I wish I could just cry in your arms again.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
September 25th, 2006
9:08pm] |
PAUL TWOHILL IS
HOT!
HOT!
HOT!
(=
|
|
|
|
[Monday
September 25th, 2006
5:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 satisfied |
] |
Oh my god. I am so fucking pissed. It's so damn irritating! Just try having a windows installer popping out everything you wanna type something! Ugh.
Anyway, we had a heritage tour today! I like the URA gallery. It was so amazing. Singapore looked incredibly big! I've settled on my dream home. Its those cool flats/condominium or whatever that has a hole in the middle which allows you to jog and stuff. Basically, it has facilities that you can never dream of having in the middle of your flat/condominium. The designed interior also looks so versatile! Like wow. I was so engrossed in looking at the designs and all, but I forgot to take down the name. Lol.
Then we passed by places in Raffles place, the business district and of course, the Esplanade. I got a rush of ideas of places to bring baby and take lots and lots of pictures. Not that I look good in pictures or whatsoever, but it really really captures the moment and holds lots of memories. Hee. I'm really saving up! As you can see, I am complaining excessively that I am hungry. I really am! So please donate food to poor Angela! (=
I think I suffer from mild BDD. (No idea? Check the seventeen magazine of the girl and her drawing of herself)
Just three words,
I love you.
Tomorrow's the day! (=
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
September 24th, 2006
4:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
A day filled with tears and joy, laughter and pain. I guess I hurt him real bad. He was crying as much as I did. I'm so sorry baby. I didnt mean to hurt you. I was just being stupidly wilful.
I love you, I really do. With all my heart and soul and everything I've got. I'm so so sorry. Thanks for taking that first step and hugging me. It made all that pain go away and brought the sun back again.
I LOVE YOU. (=
Just two more days!!
|
|
|
|
[Saturday
September 23rd, 2006
10:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thankful |
] |
Windows Installer is one hell of a irritant. It appears every single second asking me to install Microsoft Money. What the hell. It hinders my every movement here! Gr. My computer is really breaking down. But I cant send it for repair cos I dont want my documents to be gone, forever!
Anyway, Graduation Night was a blaaasthhh. Its been a while since I'm up on stage. The jitters can really get to me. I miss that feeling so badly. Dont worry stage, you'll be all mine, someday. Does anyone have the feeling that no matter how hard they try, they'll always be second best. Well, I do. I'm really always second best. Never never will be the best someday. Always ranking below that other someone. Aye. But all I ask for, is to be the best, in that one special heart. I'll be very contented. Really.
EVERYONE, PLEASE PASS ME THE GRADUATION NIGHT PICTURES WITH ME IN IT! ((= Thanks!
It's baby's sister's 19th birthday today. Happy Birthday Alison! (= Made her a pretty oriental earrings. I think its DAMN NICE. Hee. Anyway, had the celebration at his house! Yummy food as usual. It felt so nice cuddling on the couch watching 'The day after tomorrow'. The effects are way cool. Hee. It was a lovely lovely heartwarming day with his family!
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU OH SO VERY MUCH.
(see! i wrote it here!)
|
|
|
|
[Thursday
September 21st, 2006
8:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
Graduation Night is tomorrow. I feel so half hearted towards it. Anticipating it because I love love love dressing up all so glam. Dreading it because I just tried on my dress and I look so fat! I dont know why. I certainly hope I was dreaming or something. Plus, we're just collecting testimonials and shaking hands with the Principal (which i so do not want to). Every single one has to go on stage. I'll be bored to death. But probably bullied to death first by Gwenda Wong. She is damn mean. Woke me up from my sleep by scaring the guts out of me and constantly hitting me! Haha. Poor poor me. And beefy isnt going! =(
Oh my god oh my god, I dont know if I have a shawl. I need a shawl! Does anyone have a extra shawl?
I really really am not looking forward to tomorrow though the word "Grad Night" has been hanging on my lips since yesterday. I am gonna look ugly! My figure's ruin by the constant couch-potatoing and not exercising. I cant seem to find the motivation to exercise. Haha. AYE.
I shall sleep early with a prayer that everyone will look good tomorrow! (=
|
|
|
|
[Wednesday
September 20th, 2006
2:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
I wanna watch the movie, "If only". Hearing the synopsis from baby nearly made me teared! Imagine watching the movie. I think I'll cry buckets. Soapy dramas. How I miss those...
I'll tolerate. It's for my own good. I'll tolerate. It's for my own good. They better know their limits. It's just the O levels. I'll get it over and done with in 2 and a half months. Just two and a half months only! I'll tolerate. Ugh.
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
September 19th, 2006
12:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 enraged |
] |
You know, the MOE should really consider pushing the time when school starts, back. It's just awful waking up in the wee hours of the day and get yourself ready for school than to wake up at 7. There is a difference! So today, I got up early to study with Agnes, Beefy, Tiffany and Jeanette in school. Haha. I got sick of studying after a while. The paper was blah. I dont know, just hoping for the better.
It's so fucking irritating when someone actually confirms with you something, like a plan the next day, and cancel it on the very day you're going out. I mean if it's once, fine. Twice, okay, I'll shrug it off. But it's more than just two mere times. Then what's the point of even asking me out? This matter makes me so irate. I'm never gonna go out with her again.
At least I'm meeting up with that sweetheart later. It makes everything so much better.
|
|
|
|
[Monday
September 18th, 2006
5:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
The amaths paper was hell. I didnt do 3 questions. Thats about 12 x 3 marks = 36 marks! Hooray! I'll be happy if I get 20 for this. (= I think I'll get a F9, again. So sad. But, I'm already used to it!
Got home, slacked and slept somemore. I dont wanna study anymore. Physics and Biology tomorrow. 10AM. Which means I get to wake up late, yay! Then again, I dont wake up late. Ugh. And after a sleepy morning, I have to drag myself to school. What.. fun.
I hate The Principal. Oh be self centred. Right. She totally isnt and she expects us to be. You know why? Cos she cant shut the fuck up and give us a good morning. I dont care if you dont greet us. Just shut up!
My hatred for THIS school is never-ending. Haha. 2 and a half months. I'll be verrryyy patient.
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
September 17th, 2006
7:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thankful |
] |
What a lovely day! Met up with sweetie at Eastpoint and walked quite a bit. I realised that Eastpoint really is going through a big revamp. So many new shops awaiting to open. The pets are still so cuteee. I'm listening to Jay Chou's latest album. The songs are lovely! Reminds me terribly of baby. He bought this album for me earlier cos I got very annoyed at him. I'm sorry darling, it's my fault too. That was sooo sweet of him and I totally melted on the spot because I'm dying wishing that I can get my hands on this album! Thank you so so much!! <3 He offered to pay for my bag too. Yayness!! It's VERY NICE. $36 is worth it! Hee. But we dropped sauce on it earlier. My heart was aching! But I cleaned it so many times over, it's so sparkly now. (=
I want to take sick leave. I'm so sick and tired of mugging and stressing about everything. I can feel my complexion getting worst please! Graduation night is in like what? 5 more days. Ugh. This is annoying. I want to miss it totally. I dont see what's the big deal about getting a testimonial that we wrote OURSELVES. And wasting time fretting about what looks nice, what doesnt, and to dress up so glam. Yeah, I like doing it but, I look so fugly now.
For now, let me drown in how sweet today was. Then I wake up into my mundane horrible nightmare of school. GR GR GR.
|
|
|
|
[Saturday
September 16th, 2006
2:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sore |
] |
[edit]
After reading an article on "Bags" from the newspaper Urban or something, I feel SO MUCH BETTER. Cos he was like, are you sure you need that bag? With that much emphasis till I felt a little sore about spending so much money on it. But come to think of it, $36 is not that bad right? Oh come on, you know how much Zinc are retailing bags! $40 for each. GUYS, really. (=
But I still am spending a lot. I need to find other sponsors other than baby. Hee. Oh, I've got a little surprise for that sweet little boy on our 9th month! I'm not saying, of course! Just in case he decides to pop by. That's to make up on how he shows he cares and loves in so many ways. Guys have so many ways to show it what! Haha, but not implying that it's an excuse. Yeap!
I've been staring blankly at my Amaths textbook. But I saw hope again during tuition! It's like this miracle from above. As you know, I have such a deep hatred for that subject ever since last year. Mr Tan must be overjoyed. Hahaha. Oh yes, TEA is good. The caffeine inside sure works! I am so tired, but I cant seem to take an afternoon nap. But thats not the point, hee. It's much better than coffee because it doesnt stain your teeth and tastes as good too! But it doesnt mean I'm ditching my Frappucino! Hee.
[/edit]
I am still so tired after a good night's sleep. Well, it wasnt that good. I kept dreaming in and out of goodness knows what. After our Prelims on Tuesday, the school wants to have what? Youth Mission, career preparation talks, and graduation night? Oh my god, just give me a damn break and I'll be very satisfied. My body is falling apart and especially vulnerable to illness, so please, if you're sick, stay at home! Haha.
I dont look forward to Graduation Night at all. Not even a single bit. I'm dreading it and wishing that it'll never come! I'm not wasting my time to buy anymore things for it. Clutch, who cares. I'll just ask my mom to hold my handphone. Haha. Scrimp and save! Knowing the school, you know how boring and mundane they'll make that day. I wont be surprise.
I'm spending way way too much money. Yes, my heart aches badly. I hate auctions. Fucking waste of money, but I've been eyeing that bag for the longest time ever, so aye. I will work! I want to work! Let me work! I really wonder how do girls save money? It seems so impossible. The shop owners are earning so damn much! The profit is like so so high. Look at those shops! The necklace at cost price is probably say, $8? But they sell it at $30? What a rip-off. But you cant totally diy clothes and bags. No wonder the word SALE seems like heaven.
I, thereby swear to curb my spendings from today onwards. (=
And I'm off to rest!
|
|
|
|
[Friday
September 15th, 2006
8:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
It's FRIDAY. Thank God for that! It's been a crazy week and I was going quite crazy. This is like a dry run of O levels. What about the real one? I really cannot imagine how it will go. I really am faltering, succumbing to all that stress and exams which never seem to end. At least now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am falling deadly sick. Talk about an ulcer in the throat, yeah ouch, and mouth too.
Is it me, but I'm starting to see hope for Amaths! Not that I'll pass or do superbly well this time or something, but I feel different about it. Maybe because we had an agrument in the morning and I cried on the way to my seat but I was exceptionally calm. I still couldnt do alot of questions. HAHA. But I kept telling myself I can do it! (= I love morale boosters like these.
The papers so far went bad. I'm gonna do badly, or really badly. I dont know. How does everyone feel about theirs? Haha. I cant wait till we get the papers back. But from now on, I really really am going to mug.
I'm very tired. Yeah, I should go rest, but but but, I WANNA GO FOR A LOOOONNNGG BREAK. Not just a mere rest. But then again, who doesnt? I should make baby bring me on a holiday or something. HAHA. Right. Remember, I am only sixteen. I dont wanna go out, really. Not even my love, shopping. But I have aaa... okay nevermind, I shall keep mum about that and just rest well today.
Isnt ulcers just so damn annoying?
Okay sorry, I know I'm whining a tad too much. (= I'm too tired to go on typing. I dont half know what the hell am I saying so yeah.
I know its meant to be. <3
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.6){kind=small}
rosesthatfall's journal